UNBELIEVABLE!!!

The feelings going through my mind are just out of this worl right now. So many emotions flying left and right I don't even know how to handle them. I am VERY VERY sad that about who and what I am leaving when I go on my mission, because I know that nothing will be the same and I know how many people here in Oregon have led the way for me, and have really taught me all lifes lessons. There's only been one key turning point in my life thus far, and that was when I moved to Oregon from Utah. I cried for basically a year..I was so mad, and sad and missed Utah so bad I just wanted to go back. I now look back on who i've become and the people that have influenced me here and can tell how inspired dad was to move here. I compare this to me going on my mission. I will be very sad and REALLY down at times and possible wanting to come home, but I know that I am just starting another chapter in my life, and I just can't see what the future holds, but I have hope for greatness! This is going to be really tough, I already know it. In a way, I kind of made it a lot harder on myself than I should have, but that's the past, that already happened. I just have to take the lessons i've learned and truly apply them in my life. It's really all on my own now. I mean, I felt a little bit on my own at BYU and stuff, but obviously and mom and dad know how hard it is to be out on your own and help you out with a bunch of stuff. But now that i'm going on the mission, I kind of felt that they were finally letting go and kind of saying "I've tried to teach you as much as I could, but it's time for you to see if you learned from your lessons, and not have someone beside you 24/7". It's a great feeling, because you feel independant, but than you realize how much your parents actually did(do) for you everyday!
I look at this as my biggest trial...the sadness that is coming from leaving, because I don't really have that many difficult things in my life..I am truly blessed, and to even be able to have such amazing friends and family that helped me out so much in my life is truly a blessing from my Heavenly Father!! Man, I wish I could always stay on the high spiritual side, because I have been feeling the spirit so much lately, and it has been SO powerful to me, but than when it kind of fades I let my mind go off into things that I dont need to be focusing on, like what im going to be missing back home!!
I don't even know what else to say. Sunday was one of the most spiritual/craziest days EVER!! I am probably the worst public speaker ever, but somehow...well I know how, I just followed the spirit, it was incredible. I really can't describe it, but it was great, and the whole day was just very very emotional. There were a bunch of people at church, than afterwards, like all of Oregon came to the open house at my house. It was so great to see everyone, but than I realized how many people i've known that have really helped me and been an example to me here in Lebanon.
Well, This is probably going to be my last post...I want to say that I will post again but I probably won't. I love you all and am going to miss you greatly!! I know what i'm doing is what I need to be doing, and am so excited it's UNBELIEVABLE! Until next time..