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Saturday, February 23, 2008

One of The Best examples in my life!!




I think one of the least known parts about my life may be this person to the left! Whenever I tried to talk about her to family members, words just could not describe the person she is and how she has affected my life. So, i'm deciding to tell you a little bit more about her, and hopefully get across the feelings i've had and the example she has been and always is to me. This young women isn't any ordinary girl, she's Mattea Williams!


I really don't know where to begin, because there is really so little that everyone knows about us. I guess I can just start off by saying that we met through a blind date our junior year at homecoming, and really had an amazing time. We started talking a lot after that, and started liking eachother, but than we both realized that it was pointless because of our religions. So we kind of said we were going to be friends, but we really didn't even talk at all for a while until she asked me to formal senior year. From there, we have basically liked eachother throughout senior year up until now. We have tried to attempt not talking and other strategies that have not worked at all. So throughout those 2 in a half years of knowing her we really got to understand eachothers feelings and desires. We have had some really deep conversations that have helped me grow tremendously. Until I met her, I think I only read a couple verses here or there out of the bible. Through the conversations of religion, she got me so intrigued in understanding the bible. Although one might say to me that she is not a good person to be around or the example I need to have around me as i'm preparing for a mission, she has really had so many questions and thoughts that have given me opportunities to realize I need to study more on some of those subjects and truly understand them for myself. I'm not sure I would know some of the things I know, and understand some of the things I understand if it werent for Mattea questioning my religion and me having the desire to look it up, because, I guess I wanted her to understand what I REALLY believed and not mess it up. So, Mattea has helped me too many times and in too many ways to count. I can look back to things I have gained a testimony of, and some of the first thoughts about that certain belief started out with Mattea asking me about it.

Not only has Mattea helped me so much with understanding the bible, and just giving me courage to really search and find, she has literally been the best example a friend can have. I have NEVER met anyone so dedicated to do good in their lives. That is what really got me liking her at the start, her desire to stand for what's right and to let people know her standards. I really can't say how she lives her life, because I don't know everything she does, but from what I know about her and understand is that she really let's her light shine to others and people understand her and what she believes in by the way she lives. Just her prescence makes you want to be good, at least for me. I have never been in a situation with her where I felt scared that something bad was going to happen or the we were going to do something wrong because of how great of a person she is and the standards she possesses. Those standards don't just come, they come by obediance to the Lord and his commandments, and as we do that we feel so much joy from the Lord, and that joy really shows in Mattea. I don't know if anyone else feels this like I do, i'm pretty sure you do, but when someone is living the right way and obeying the Lord, you can really tell because they just show so much joy, love, and care for people, just as you can tell if they are not obeying the Lord.

I look at Mattea and really want to be like her in so many ways. for one thing, I am not an organized person at all, and Mattea basically has that covered. She runs all the time just to stay in shape (I havn't gone on a jog for over 3 months) and I definately need to start getting in that pattern, because I am really out of shape. And one of the biggest things that I have always had a tough time with is my priorities, and getting them straightened up. It seems like Mattea just understand whats most important in life, and knows what she needs to do, but more importantly she knows how to not waste time really in the day, and whenever something needs to be done she gets it done, whereas I will just think about it for a while than forget about it.

I really love that she understands prayer, and that at any time we can pray to our Heavenly Father. We can go to him for thanks for the many blessings we have received, and for wisdom and courage to persevere through some of the trials we go through. We have both shared some experiences we have had with the spirit, and how sometimes when the spirit just tells you something, it's just so powerful, you can't not do it.

Oh yeah, on top of all of the things I have talked about, she is a STUD athlete. She dominates basketball (Mckay I think she could beat you..ha), she was an All State basketball player and also played volleyball and track, where she went to state in track her sophomore year, and was a great volleyball player.

Sometimes I wonder why I met Mattea at all, because it was really hard for us to accept the fact that nothing will ever come from us and it just seemed like everything was for nothing. Oh how I was wrong. I have learned and grown SO MUCH just from knowing this single girl. Although nothing might not ever come from me and Mattea, her influence and example that she was to me will always lead me through my life, and I will look back at the things I have learned from her many times to give me strength in my life.

Well, I guess the reason I am writing all of this about her is because she really was one of the best examples in my life, and it has been so awesome and great to get to know her over the years. Also, I guess to fill you guys in on not even a hundredth of our story, but enough to let you know how things went and how she affected my life, and thirdly is because last night we FINALLY decided on really just being friends, so I felt now was a good time to really talk about everything and realizing that although we hope and pray for eachother all the time, our relationship will basically go nowhere unless their is a change (in religion) which we both know is probably not going to happen. I actually want to kind of expound on that, because I have prayed about this numerous times, and it is so amazing how the Lord works. When I prayed, sometimes because of the feelings I had for Mattea, I would pray for her to understand what I understand so something can come from us, when that is totally not how I need to go about it with the Lord. As I learned more about that, I understood that I needed to pray for EVERYONE to come unto Christ and fill his love, and that I shouldn't pray for Mattea to understand my beliefs just so something can come from us, but because I truly love and care for her and that I just want the best for her. I have hopped between both feelings, but I know as I feel the spirit directing me, that is when I really have the true desire for not only Mattea, but for everyone to come unto the truth.

When I look back on the amazing 2 in a half years of knowing Mattea Williams, I think to myself that I am a very lucky person to have crossed paths with her, and to really get to understand her from the inside out. She not only gave me hope and love, but she was that strength I needed when I was down, even though she probably didn't even know it, I would just think about her and that would just make me realize I need to be like Mattea in this situation. I wish that everyone could meet Mattea and try to really understand her and than you would realize how great she actually is. I guess I can say thanks to Mattea for the experiences we've had and the true example of goodness she has been to me. Mattea is one of my best friends, and I really think she always will be. Despite the feelings we have had for eachother, I really feel that through the Lord's strength, he will help us get through those feelings, and if it be his will still be great friends. Everyone who is reading this (probably mostly family), I know that you'll have some thoughts about not getting to close to a girl especially for a mission, and I understand all of those cares and what can happen when you're to close to a girl. As I have said this whole post, Mattea was a source of righteousness that has helped me in my righteousness, which in turn has helped me prepare for my mission. We really never were "Together" because of what we knew about what can't come from it, but yes we did like eachother..a lot, but I think that is what is going to make us closer as friends. well everyone can read this, but if I had something to say to Mattea it would be to keep doing what you're doing. Stay close to the spirit, and let God direct you because he knows what will bring the most joy to your life.

I really could write a novel about our story, not even kidding. I just want to continue writing because what I have said, is SO little for all the things we have been through. Dad is going to love this post..ha, Mom will say well thats good, but just wait til after your mission, Mac Daddy will probably call me(well we do have an agreement to talk to eachother everyday before my mission) and ask me some things, Sara will give some great advice as always, Jamie will say what mom said(because she basically is mom) I know she doesn't like to hear that, but their really is so much good that I mean out of that when I say it, Jake will give an inspirational talk to me, Nate will tell stories of his experiences with girls, and last but not least, Kaylie will learn from what I have done wrong and be the best of all the Proberts, and when you look how she has lived now, it's already starting. So family(or whoever reads this) whether you liked this post, or felt like I just didn't need to write any of this because it's not what I need to worry about, I really felt like I needed to share some of the things I have learned from Mattea and help you better understand her! It's not even about the girlfriend/boyfriend status (ha), it's about our relationship as friends and how we have learned and grown from eachother so much. I hope that we will continue to have a great friendship and keep learning and growing from eachother. Mattea Williams was (and still is) one of the biggest examples in my life, and I thank Heavenly Father for meeting the wonderful girl. Until next time!!








10 comments:

kayliebev said...

Seth I am truly amazed by you and the strength you have. Mattea is one amazing girl but boy you are an incredible boy! I have never seen you want something more. She has been a drive for you and I am glad. I have learned so much from your whole experience. I know it sounds dumb cause I am only 14 but the things that have happened to you have made me understand how I need to live my life and help others. You help me so much. I know sometimes it may seem like I don't care but I listen to everything you tell me because I know it will help me. I dont know mattea all that great but she has done a wonder for you and I am so glad you are happy with where you are at! I LOVE YOU! keep up the amazingness!

Love, Kayliebev

sethprob81 said...

Ok, so I read your great, amazing blog on Matea Williams. What a gal. but, of corse I always knew she was.I appreciate reading all about her goodness and the wonderful example she is. I enjoyed also, seeing her last night at the gymnastics. Thanks Seth, for sharing your inner personal thoughts and letting us know more about how you are feeling. I love you soooo much. goodnight. it took me a while to read through this.(I read it very slowly so I could take it all in).

sethprob81 said...

By the way, that last message was from your dear MOMMA, I forgot to sign out, and I also didn't know how to use my code name. oops

President said...

I don't know what to say. I would call you but I'm in the library supposed to be taking a quiz but reading your LONG blog ha.
You are right that the family will say that she is not what you need to be focussing on and that is correct. I am excited that she has played a big role in helping you through your life and in making you study better for questions from investigators that will come up on your mission. I know from how you talk about her that she has a great spirit about her and that she is awesome.
Satan's most powerful tool is to use our emotions against us. You have done well young jedi with not letting your emotions over come your belief. As amazing as this young girl is and her morals and standards it doesn't exclude the power of satan. Look at King David and his standars and morals and how strong of a man he is and than to see how easily he was taken away by sin. Brother I'm representing the family by saying that we may come on thick but it's only because WE CARE SO MUCH FOR YOU. And, because most all of us understand how real the devil is and how when you think nothing will happen to you that it can and will.
As we would tell our investigators after they committed themselves to be baptized that the two or three weeks before they were to be baptized they were going to experience some rough times. As with you on your wait for you mission. The Devil knows how strong of a man you are and how much good you can bring into peoples lives that he will use anything and anyone to distract you from departing into the field. You know all of this I know. Just be smart Seth. Enjoy the friendship you have with Mattea. Listen to the advice of the family. (Especially nate as you said as he has gone through alot that he can help you understand). Be on your guard at all times.
Seth I love you so much you know this. You are like my clone who I look after and try so hard to be the best for. I don't want this to have sounded like a lecture but like a warning and a guidance. Keep moving forward brother. I love you and love that you have had such a great example (Mattea) in your life to help you really understand the power of this gospel. You probably don't even know the power you have had on her life.
I LOVE YOU MAN I REALLY DO!!
PPP BROTHERHOOD

Nate Probert said...

"One of the Best examples in my life!!"... Whether you realize it or not Seth, is you. Sara and I just talked about siblings and the love and goodness you can share with one another. And one of the things I have really learned is how much a role you can play in someones life without knowing it, for good or bad, and also, sometimes you are deeply impacted by someone and don't even realize it until later. I think thats one thing every person continually learns more about, especially with your parents and how much you come to understand the reasoning behind certain things they may have done in your past that you didn't take time to appreciate. So, Since I was given the label of sharing stories I guess thats what I must do ha ha. I have had mixed feelings with your relationship with Mattea and I'll tell you why. I love you. And I love her, not only cause she is a fellow human and follower of Christ, but because of the good natured love you two share and your ability to be examples to one another and learn from eachother. I met her once for a good handshake and that was about it. She definately has something about her, she held a presence when she came in the house and it was good. I actually thought she was a member of the church until you told me otherwise. First off, my concern has more to do with what Mckay had to say in the sense of knowing the reality of Lucifer. And that he is fully aware of those who are powerful in the army of God. So I know for a fact he watches you because of the power that you have shown me. Everyones warnings to you have been out of a love not only for you, but for Mattea as well. Like you said, she knows God as well and with that she can be an example for you and others, even to me through you. So for me I see two warriors of righteousness out building up their hearts and growing even stronger, and then I look to the left and see The Lord of Darkness taking to his Black horse and calling his followers to attack the stronghold! LITERALLY! (take that as a compliment, because for a very long time, he hasn't even had to tempt me.) And like mckay said, your emotions can be used against you in a way that doesn't seem possible if you allow it. What happens is, you start developing your attraction and get emotionally attached, and then you start confusing that with eveything else. well atleast for me. It's funny cause im not even headed off to a mission soon, but I am on my own personal journey right now and am in somewhat a similar situation as you. Rae and I have been friends for so long and recently have been sharing a love for God together and also started getting into eachother quite a bit. And even we struggle with confusing the feelings from God and the feelings we have developed for eachother. And I know what your thinking, your not confusing yours. ha ha. I am not saying that you are at all, I view you so much stronger than I am man, like I said, the title of your blog is what you are to me. Im just saying that I want and need you to be who you are. God bless Mattea for opening the gates of your yearning for more knowledge, everyone should be wanting to striving to know more and become more like Christ. But let this be known brother, without the spirit, you will become learned of man and not of God. So with you and Mattea, I hope you guys can continue to be great friends, truly I hope that, not just throwing it in to make you feel better, I actually really want to meet her, but be careful that you dont feel like you have to defend her like maybe the family doesn't approve, because the defense is of personal emotion and can build you a wall of pride. If you don't believe that look at me :) And I know in a family, everyone always wants the others to love what they love so you can share in the joy. And obviously with the responses we all love it! I'm glad you can have a relationship like that with someone outside of our church, not only to prepare you for your mission, but to realize that we are truly worshipping the same Eternal God, and although her church differs, we all stand defending the same thing. It's not about whose right and whose wrong, I hope that means something. Cause I hope you two never have battles or shut out the spirit with your own pride to prove why your outlook is right. Its about accepting and coming unto the Savior. So... What would Jesus do?
And I'm serious. I hate that that phrase has been takin down a couple notches because of its overuse. If you really stop and think about that question before you act, Im sure you would have a clearer view of things. ANYWAYS! Service is about sharing love with all man kind, and I really think there are too many people of every church (including ours) that really get caught up on some things that they dont understand, and that will become their own vice. If all the things of God made sense to man, why the heck would we be here? We wouldn't. So study so you can know more, but really, I think you can ask any older sibling or our parents.. The only way we can truly share the FULLNESS of the truth (capitalized because I know Mattea has great truth, and if she wants to ask God about getting more thats up to her, you can't talk it into her) is by being an instrument and not relying on our knowledge to do the teaching, but by really being humble and letting the spirit witness to them. Sorry Im going off, its just a different truth and reality to me now then I ever thought imaginable man. Its not just words and in good nature, there is a breaking of yourself that you must do to be humble and allow the spirit in. So I guess if there is anything that I hope Mattea brings to you its that with your search to learn from her and teach to her, if you are truly letting the spirit be apart of it, knowledge will come, direction will be at your feet, and you wont allow yourself to take the relationship in wrong places or have a question of faith or question hers. ITs more a matter of building it up then beating people down if they might not know as much or be as close to God. Im done now. Like I say to mckay, these responses end up being more for me than you I think, but I hope my words make sense and find you with ease and not of harshness. You once stood in front of me while I mocked your thoughts and beliefs and questioned it all with good reason of man... You didn't waver an inch man, you didn't cower at all. That was an example for me that I don't think you can understand. This is real. This is Love. Let her know that.

JAMIE said...

Ok, going to go agaisnt what you said about me copying mom---you big jerk---.

I don't know where to start, I was loving what everyone else had to say. I feel that I too have things that you could benefit from.

Bro, I have been down my own beaten path...Done things that don't need to be repeated ( and you wouldn't believe me anyway)...I have learned lessons and continue to learn.

I know you are an amazing person. You have this light inside of you...This desire that you will have all your dreams come true. That was most eminent with me when I saw you here at BYU.

I want to echo Mckay in some ways. There are things beyound our control, no matter how strong of a person we are.

I don't feel you would have put a post about Mattea if you didn't want some response. The influence we have on people and they have on us can be incocievably overwhelming at times.

There are forces that drive us to people, and keep us close to them.
Man, I just have so much to say on this subject. Nate was talking about truth.

Remember that we have the complete version of the truth, that does not mean we are the ONLY ones with any truth. Many people can have peices of the truth. President hinckly welcomed that and said "great, let's hear the truth, we can all add to it."

I do worry about your bro. I love you so much. When I was preparing for the mission, I didn't understand why mom and dad were so insanely strict with me and a curfew. I don't even think they understood just how much I needed it.

I don't know how to tell you to be careful, be safe. When you think you are, you might not be. Deep connections, especially with those you know won't go anywhere are truly hard to let go of ( and you will let go as you go on the mission). It took me years and years to get over someone I was so close with and knew I couldn't be with. You know who this is, and still, to this day we have an impact on each other and I am forever grateful for his friendship and influence, and pray for him to find the light...but I feel somehow that part of that was wasted time and energy. We tried several times to just "be friends" and it never really worked. It worked for a bit, but the attraction was always there.
I met him right before my mission, and he was what I needed at the time. Just be careful bro. Be aware of the power of your feelings and emotions--particularly those of attraction. I know you are shaking your head going "oooh" I can't take this from Jamie, what does she know."
I just wish that others could learn from my many mistakes. Heaven knows we all can name them. I love you bro, I have faith in you to do the right thing, whatever that need be. I am so excited for you I can't see straight. Thanks for being you.

JAMIE said...

ps I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE WHAT NATE AND MCKAY HAD TO say...didn't really need to add much more, but just wanted to put my own words down ( espeically since you don't think i have any thing of value to say)

JAMIE said...

thanks florida...thanks for nothing!

H-less said...

It's strange to think of you being old enough to be so influenced by a girl and yet I know it' true. I am so happy for how I have seen Mattea's questioning lead you on a personal study. I am happy you have been able to date someone that has so many of the qualities you admire and hope for in a wife. It was really fun to hear about you two since i feel so removed from your life at times. I love you Seth. I am impressed with your decisions and good judgment. Carry ON!

mommaprob said...

I don't know if this is coming up as your momma or as Seth. I'm still trying to learn this computer bit. someday I will blow you all away and become the computer wizz. just you wait.... anyway, to all of my children, words do NOT do justice to the feelings I feel in my heart at this time, nor can they even begin to describe the JOY that I feel as I think about each one of you, your lives and the impact you have had on me as your MOTER. I feel very honored that Heavenly Father has chosen me to be your earthly mother. What did I do to deserve such amazing children? I love this great plan of happiness and our journey hear on earth allows us to be in a family. Thank you all for being so kind, supportive, and loving to oneanother. THere is a saying that I love that says this" I have no greater JOY, than to know that my children walk in Truth." I love you all...Momma